The following post was written for the Wharton Undergraduate Journal.
This
is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that
never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and
bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point.
This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on
but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open
doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the
changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that
obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female
friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need
that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds,
with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the
guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology
to her clothing style.
This is for the guys who escort their
drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take
advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to
bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the
guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out
anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the
rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend
material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice
guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the
nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is
for you.
This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your
cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours
painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over
dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a
jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about
it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d
ever orchestrated in COD to rant about a rumor that romantically linked
her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world.
And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against
the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a
counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she
didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing
“serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you
knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you,
justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh,
but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a
symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice
like that.
The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is
due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid
as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this
trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have
learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace,
the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical,
manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice
guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational,
confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a
good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much
from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of
all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament
the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their
too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men
that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to
fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what
they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!).
But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last
phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who
grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the
nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those
girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.
So,
until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You
know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described
as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs
your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your
party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty
smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the
situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my
acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility
in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.
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