50/50

My last few posts have all started out the same way - me apologizing for my sporadic blogging. This became apparent to me only after my beautiful fiancé, Heidi, pointed it out to me during a recent visit she made down to South Carolina. Thus, per her request, I will stop apologizing for said "sporadic blogging". You see, I have a very good and understandable reason as to why my posts have been few and far between recently.

On top of picking up and moving my life down to Greenwood, SC, the past year has proven to hold a number of stand-alone moments. One for instance is one that I've written about most recently. My engagement to the ever-lovely and all-loving Heidi Logan.

Our engagement has been one that has had it's share of ups and downs - mainly due to the whole long-distance issue. However, it has been full of even more moments of encouragement and joy. In case you don't already follow me on Instagram, please head on over and give me a "follow" - @phizkhalifa. On there you will find that I have been posting a photo everyday in an effort to countdown the final 100 days of our engagement. And just the other day, I reached "50", and boy has the number "50" never looked so good!

The photo itself was nothing special - an image of a brochure I was working on - but I couldn't help but take a moment and stare at that number for a brief second. So much emotion had filled the previous 50 days and I was overwhelmed with all that would be held within the following 50. Thoughts rushed into my mind of "Am I ready?", "Have I done everything I need to do?", "Will I be a good husband?". These fears are ones that plague me often, and yet I am reminded of Philippians 2:3 that states, "for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill His good purpose." God is working in me, preparing me to be exactly who He knows me to be. All I have to do is follow and obey.

I am so blessed to have spent the past 50+ days engaged to a woman who strives daily in her personal relationship with the Lord, all while encouraging me in my own. And I expectantly look ahead as we draw closer to beginning our lives together and build our marriage on a firm foundation.

finding calmness in the midst of "chaos".

It's been over a month since my last post, in which I spoke of my engagement to Heidi and my views of our upcoming marriage. And while my excitement grows daily, I would not be honest if I wasn't forthcoming with all the messiness.

If you're reading this and you're married, you probably remember what I'm talking about. If you're reading this and you're currently engaged, you probably relate and my hope is that you'll find that you're not in this alone. And lastly, if you're reading this and you're thinking about getting married...

RUN!

I'm obviously joking, and couldn't recommend it more! This time between dating and marriage has been one filled with individual growth, exciting conversations, in-depth discussions on topics ranging from children to throw pillows (registering has been my favorite part, so far). Our nightly talks have seen a mixture of laughter and tears, happiness and anger. Yet, in the middle of choosing dresses and tuxedoes, we have managed to find stillness in the One who brought us together. I cannot speak for Heidi, and I won't attempt to. So, for now, I will briefly share my learnings from the past few months.

For the past couple weeks, it has seemed, to me, that our conversations have consisted of disagreements. I have felt discouraged and, at times, overwhelmed. And when I feel like I am approaching the edge of my wit, I am drawn in to my Father's voice.

As I was driving to Virginia a couple weeks ago, I sat singing along to my iPod. As the song I was belting out ended, a new song began. Now, it may not sound manly, but get over it. The music that filled my Jeep was the song that I have sang to Heidi on countless occasions. "Hold On" by Michael Bublé has become a theme song for our relationship. It's gotten us through tough times and has inspired numerous spontaneous slow dances in the living room. 

As I heard the song for the umpteenth time, I was reminded of the girl who stole my heart and hasn't let go. I was reminded that despite our disagreements and frustrations, this woman has voluntarily agreed to do life with me. And I was reminded of something else. I was reminded of my Father's love. I was reminded of His abundant grace and steadfast presence. How, despite my frustration with Him, He has ahold of my heart and will never let go.

I mean, come on people! That's extraordinary! It's so awesome that in the midst of our seemingly chaotic lives, we can find calmness in the Creator. I am humbled, even now, as I look at how richly my life has been blessed. I push on, happily and excitedly, through the chaos. Because I acknowledge the gift of that mayhem in my life. And I look expectantly into the future as our marriage draws closer, knowing that the speed bumps and disarray are all blessings!

my greatest gift. my greatest adventure.

Most of you know, and for those of you who must live under a rock listen up, but.... I'M ENGAGED!

Sixteen months ago, a beautiful, passionate woman came into my life and turned it all upside down. Heidi Logan, a kindergarten teacher I met through my work with Harrisonburg High School's Fine Arts department, is unlike anyone I've been blessed enough to know. We’ve guided our way through the highs and lows of relationships. We’ve staggered and struggled. We’ve cried, laughed, bickered, and smiled. We’ve supported one another in each of our endeavors. We’ve ran together, stuffed our faces with chicken baskets together, and sang at the tops of our lungs together. We've tackled road trips together, family vacations, and at times have been down-right annoyed with one another. We've danced in the living room, and respected one another. We’ve journeyed through this past year and ultimately, every day, chosen to grow in love with each other.

And when Heidi answered "Yes" to my proposal, I immediately became that timeless cliché - a knight in shining armor. The fact of that matter is that as soon as this beautiful woman I cherish became the fiancé I promise to cherish and honor till death do us part, my responsibility changed from taking care of myself, to protecting her.

I love the way John Eldredge puts it in his book, Wild At Heart:

"There is nothing more inspiring to a man as a beautiful woman. She'll make you want to charge the castle, slay the giant, leap across parapets."

It is a desired burnt deep inside a man. A desire, a need, to not just fight, but to have someone to fight for. And with Heidi, I've found my greatest reason to fight the battle and have set out on my greatest adventure.

Now, Heidi and I aren't married yet, and I cannot sit here and say that we have it all figured out. But I do know that we are learning! In our daily devotions and conversations, we learn more about one another and, ultimately, about our relationship - the good, the bad and the ugly aspects.

Marriage is a commitment – a promise – to God that you vow to love someone like Christ first loved us. In the most intimate, demanding, all-encompassing way. A vow to serve them and unselfishly love them as Christ served and unselfishly loved us. To carry their troubles. To take the blows of their shortcomings. To bear the mocking of their sins and struggles. To put their well-being ahead of your own to the point of brokenness, so that we can ultimately rise in love. We do this in hopes of obtaining a greater understanding of the magnitude of the Gospel and a greater appreciation for the power of what Jesus did on our behalf.

I was reminded a few days ago by our Senior Pastor at the church I work at, that marriage is a small, intimate reflection of God's love for us. It is His gift to us. And that it is something that should never be taken lightly. Marriage is the promise to accept someone and love them like God loves us, everyday.

I am excited about marrying Heidi. She is God's precious gift to me. She is the fair maiden locked away in a tower. She is my damsel in distress. And I get to be the man fighting for her honor. (Sometimes I picture myself as Shrek going to rescue Princess Fiona.)

We are not perfect people. We fail daily. But we are both committed to following a  PERFECT God who showed us the perfect example of how to love.

It is mind-boggling, to me, that God would allow me – dramatic, rude, baggage-carrying, selfish me – to have the honor and privilege of loving and caring for His beautiful gift, Heidi. I know that the moment I start believing that I’m capable of selflessly and unconditionally loving her, I will fail. But it brings me so much joy and excitement to know that I don’t have to go at it alone.

zozi.

Because the name of my blog is 'Adventures of Phiz', I thought it would be fitting to share with you guys an awesome website I found! ZOZI is a website devoted to promoting adventure and helping you get there. It's a lot like Groupon but some of the adventures and gear are FREE! And what's even cooler, is that everything is catered to you based on where you live.

How cool is that?!

If you'd like you can access ZOZI using my personal account, by clicking here! You definitely do not want to miss out on some really sweet adventures and some sick adventure gear.

Enjoy my friends! And until next time...

be adventurous!

from called to equipped.

It's been almost two months since I moved to Greenwood, SC and started a new chapter. These weeks have been filled with much excitement and growth. I have been pushed and pulled in new ways and owe it all to the grace of God. I have been overwhelmed with the outpouring of love and support, both from my family and friends in Virginia, but also from those I have met here in Greenwood.

I wanted to sit down and take some time to write this post to tell you about a change I recently went through. It's one that may seem small while you read this, but in the moment it was drastic and life-changing.

A few weeks ago, I was going through my new office and cleaning out drawers and cabinets from my predecessor. As I rummaged through old files, I came across a large black binder. In it I found pages and pages of letters and resumes from people who had applied for the job I now hold. At first, I closed it and threw it on the ground, knowing it was something I probably was never meant to see. But human nature took over and I opened it. Looking through the names and resumes, I was overcome with humility.

Why me?

These people carried with them degrees from huge universities and seminaries. They had years of experience under their belts, families and marriages to draw from, and letters of recommendation that could, seriously, be turned into a book on "How to do Youth Ministry Right!"

As I closed the binder and put it to the side to be thrown out, I couldn't help but be overwhelmed with the question, 'Why me?' I mean, why would God bring me here if there were people much more qualified for the position? What was going through the minds of the people who made the decision to bring me here? I couldn't help but to feel small and insignificant. In comparison to these people that filled the binder, I was the low man on the totem pole. I searched for a reason and when I couldn't seem to find one in myself, I turned to the One who could. My Creator.

As I prayed, I asked God to help me understand why I was here. I wanted to know why He would bring me here when I was so unequipped.

And then it hit me. I was right. I was unequipped. But only by my own standards.

I flipped through my Bible to Philippians 1:5-6. It read, "...because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." And Phil. 2:13 which says, "for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill His good purpose."

God had brought me here to Greenwood for a reason. He had called someone who may not have had the most experience or the highest degree. But He was equipping me despite those earthly standards. He was working in me to fulfill His good purpose.

I think it's a normal thing for us to become overwhelmed in new situations. It's easy to make ourselves believe that we are not prepared or that we are not worthy of being where we've been led. However, when we hold firm to the truth that God works in us for good, we are able to move forward in doing the work He set forth for us to do. He is giving us all the proper and necessary tools we need to carry out our calling.

We (myself included) must remember that God does not called the equipped. He equips the called. And that He is working in us to fulfill His good purpose.

i stink...

1...at writing blogs.

I think it's safe to say that I probably, more than likely, should not be the main contributor to a blog. But, alas, it is what it is and thus here I am...contributing. And before I continue on with my thoughts I want to apologize for the large gaps of time between my posts. Sometimes the adventures I take lead me away from my computer (or at least that's the excuse I'm going to use). But now onto the good stuff...


2...at being patient.

I get this flaw from my late great-grandfather who was, quite possibly, the most impatient person I've ever known. For the past few months I've wrestled with what I'm doing. Whether that be in work or in play. The question I ask myself is, "What am I doing with my life? How am I being used? How am I being a witness?" These questions run rampid and force me to take long, hard looks in the mirror. I can't help but wonder what God is preparing me for. My impatient spirit longs for the answers and screams "Just tell me what to do! Show me where to go!!" And with those thoughts, come the questions: "Will I be ready? Will I be good enough?"

3...at being confident.

The questions that race through my head at night have most definitely taken their toll on my confidence. But in the moments when I can sit quietly with my Father, I'm reminded of Philippians 1:5-6 where Paul writes, "because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." My prayer is that, going forward, this be my heart's cry.

4...at being brave.

In response to being unsure of where I'm at and what I'm doing, I decided to venture out and actively pursue God's calling in my life. I know that He has blessed me with a passion for youth ministry and a love of spreading His Word. So I put myself out there, and man has He responded in BIG ways! The doors (and windows) that have been opened hold some unknown, yet exciting, adventures. And while I welcome the next chapter in my life, my human nature still creates a bit of fear of what is ahead. Pair with these thoughts the questions from earlier (section 2), and you get a vicious cycle.

And while I realize and admit these faults, I humbly welcome my Father's grace and mercy. And with those, the vicous cycle of fear, doubtfulness and impatience that Satan has thrown my way is banished. I embrace the adventure He is unfolding before me and am excited for the journey ahead. While my blog skills may not improve much (if any), I am convinced that the things I "stink" at will slowly begin to morph into ways to bring Him the glory.

I cannot wait to share with you all more of what the Lord has laid on my heart, and the plans He is making known to me. Until my next post, be adventurous!

surf. sand. and a helluva good time.

Anyone who really knows me can stand up for me when I say that the beach is seriously one of my favorite places! There is absolutely nothing like sitting in a chair in the sun with the waves rushing in and knowing that I have no where to be. Ahhhh....relaxation!

A couple weeks ago, Heids and I were blessed enough to join my family in Myrtle Beach for a week of sun, sand and good times. There were 23 of us staying in our house, and though things were crammed at times we made it work. With the beach only a couple hundred yards away, I knew this week would hold a ton of memories. So, instead of overwhelming you with tons of details that you'll probably just skim over, I've decided to post some of my favorite pictures from the week. I'll add in the link to the full album down at the bottom too!

Enjoy!

These two.. #bff

My main lil homie - cousin Caleb

Surfing with my niece, Hayden

Heidi and I searching for "wildlife"

My parents renewed their vows for their 25th Anniversary!

My cousin, Brooke, and her boyfriend, Steven

Ready for our "big kids' night out"

The backyard

I seriously have the cutest niece EVER!

I hope you all enjoyed this sneak peek into our week at Myrtle Beach. Feel free to take a look at the rest album by clicking here! And remember to leave comments below and check back often for more fun with Phiz!

Until next time, be adventurous.