It's been over a month since my last post, in which I spoke of my engagement to Heidi and my views of our upcoming marriage. And while my excitement grows daily, I would not be honest if I wasn't forthcoming with all the messiness.
If you're reading this and you're married, you probably remember what I'm talking about. If you're reading this and you're currently engaged, you probably relate and my hope is that you'll find that you're not in this alone. And lastly, if you're reading this and you're thinking about getting married...
RUN!
I'm obviously joking, and couldn't recommend it more! This time between dating and marriage has been one filled with individual growth, exciting conversations, in-depth discussions on topics ranging from children to throw pillows (registering has been my favorite part, so far). Our nightly talks have seen a mixture of laughter and tears, happiness and anger. Yet, in the middle of choosing dresses and tuxedoes, we have managed to find stillness in the One who brought us together. I cannot speak for Heidi, and I won't attempt to. So, for now, I will briefly share my learnings from the past few months.
For the past couple weeks, it has seemed, to me, that our conversations have consisted of disagreements. I have felt discouraged and, at times, overwhelmed. And when I feel like I am approaching the edge of my wit, I am drawn in to my Father's voice.
As I was driving to Virginia a couple weeks ago, I sat singing along to my iPod. As the song I was belting out ended, a new song began. Now, it may not sound manly, but get over it. The music that filled my Jeep was the song that I have sang to Heidi on countless occasions. "Hold On" by Michael Bublé has become a theme song for our relationship. It's gotten us through tough times and has inspired numerous spontaneous slow dances in the living room.
As I heard the song for the umpteenth time, I was reminded of the girl who stole my heart and hasn't let go. I was reminded that despite our disagreements and frustrations, this woman has voluntarily agreed to do life with me. And I was reminded of something else. I was reminded of my Father's love. I was reminded of His abundant grace and steadfast presence. How, despite my frustration with Him, He has ahold of my heart and will never let go.
I mean, come on people! That's extraordinary! It's so awesome that in the midst of our seemingly chaotic lives, we can find calmness in the Creator. I am humbled, even now, as I look at how richly my life has been blessed. I push on, happily and excitedly, through the chaos. Because I acknowledge the gift of that mayhem in my life. And I look expectantly into the future as our marriage draws closer, knowing that the speed bumps and disarray are all blessings!
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